What's In a Name?
by Binbix
Summary: One-shot. The Vault Hunters try and think up a name for Axton's turret. Beta-read by Foryewhoartliterate. Non-canon story. Enjoy!


**Hello dear readers! This is just a one-shot story I thought up while bored in class. This is non-canon to my current fic Axton the Commando's Tale. This was just for kicks and was beta-read by Foryewhoartliterate King of the One-Shots (kidding but he's pretty good, check out his stuff). Hope you enjoy!**

"Just a few more turns and you'll be as good as new, darlin'." Axton said affectionately.  
"Ax?" Gaige entered Axton's room in the Crimson Raiders HQ looking confused. "Is someone in here?  
"Hmm? No, why?" Axton responded without looking up from his desk.  
"I thought I heard you talking to someone and calling them by a pet name."  
"That?" Axton chuckled. "I was referring to the missus." Axton gestured to his prized Dahl turret sitting on his workbench.  
"Oh makes sense." Gaige plopped down on Axton's bed watching him tinker around with the machinery. Axton was suddenly aware of her presence and turned around to face her.  
"Can I help you with something, darlin'?" He asked with a hint of annoyance at being disturbed.  
"Oh, it's nothing." Gaige responded. "I was just wondering… The relationship you have with your turret-"  
"Damnit, not this again." Axton grabbed his gear, got up, and headed out. "I don't have a real relationship with my turret! It's just a pet name. Like a musician and his guitar."  
"No, that's where I was going with this actually." Gaige ran to catch up with his long strides towards Moxxi's. "You know how guitarists are so affectionate about their guitars that they name them?"  
"Yeah, so?" Axton took a seat at the bar next to Zer0 and Salvador. Maya was sitting at the other end of the bar, face buried in a book. Lilith, Brick and Mordecai were all sitting in a booth nearby. Krieg was playing/smashing the slot machines.  
"I was just wondering," Gaige continued, "does your turret have a name?" This caused some ears to perk up.  
"Uh, no." Axton admitted. "I never really thought about it. Should it?"  
"Yeah, why not?" Lilith answered. She got up from her seat and joined everyone at the bar. Brick and Mordecai followed suit.  
"Um, okay." Axton thought for a moment. "Any ideas?"  
"You can't think of one?" Maya asked. Axton shrugged.  
"Normally, people name their guitars or boats after girls that broke their hearts, but I'd feel weird calling out Sarah to kill bandits for me."  
"How about Sophia?" Mordecai tried.  
"Who's Sophia?" Lilith asked.  
"Girl I knew."  
"Can't picture calling my turret a dainty name like that." Axton decided. "Sorry, Morty." Mordecai shrugged and took another sip of Rakk Ale.  
"How 'bout Himiko/ She was a fierce ancient queen/ And was like a god." Zer0 put in.  
"You mean goddess." Gaige commented. Zer0 didn't seem to hear her.  
"I dunno." Axton grabbed a bottle of Rakk Ale from the bar and drank. "I'm not one for Japanese war cries let alone names. Doesn't fit my style." Zer0 flashed a :( before consenting.  
"How about Marie?" Maya asked. "As in Marie Curie?" Axton just shook his head. "Why not? Famous scientist, made world changing discoveries, and she was very empowering for women. Tragic end too." Everyone just stared at her for a few seconds before returning to the matter at hand.  
"Rosie?" Lilith tried.  
"No no no." Axton "Guys remember, I'm going to be calling this name out in battle right before I throw the turret out."  
"Oooh!" Gaige suddenly thought. "There was this really old song my dad used to listen to all the time. It had this girl's name in the chorus. It was, um… Rock Band?… No… Roxanne! That's it! Roxxi for short!"  
"Hmmm." Axton thought for a moment before shaking his head. "Nah, sorry. Kinda sounds like Moxxi. Don't really want to be thinking about her in the field, you know?" Gaige was about to protest, then stopped and nodded her head in agreement.  
"And why wouldn't you want to think about me, sugar?" Moxxi asked slyly, appearing out of nowhere. "We are trying to/ Figure out a new title/ For Axton's turret." Zer0 explained.  
"Well, sugar, why not ask me?" Moxxi feigned an insulted expression. "I've already had two children. Naming your turret should be as easy as it was seducing Mordecai."  
"Hey!" Mordecai protested while Brick failed to suppress his laughter.  
"So what's your idea?" Axton asked. Mixxi thought for a moment.  
"How's Jennifer sound?" She asked. Everyone groaned. Moxxi harrumphed at this and went back to wiping the bar.  
"Honestly, I think that's the best one so far." Axton mumbled.  
"Hey," Salvador piped up, "how's Yolanda?"  
"Yolanda?" Mordecai cracked up. "Sounds like a cheap maid that'll steal your stuff while cleaning your room!" Everyone chuckled at this except for Salvador who had a murderous look in his eyes.  
"That was mi abuela's name." He said coldly. Dead silence.  
"…Good name." Mordecai raised his bottle. "Got a gun named Yolanda."  
"You do?" Brick asked in surprise.  
"Well I do now!" Mordecai hissed back at him.  
"VAULT HUNTERS!" Sounds of explosions and guitar solos rang through the ECHOnet.  
"Hey, Torgue." Lilith said casually.  
""I heard you're looking to name your turret!" Torgue bellowed. "Allow me to give bestow the most badass turret name in all of history!"  
"How the hell did you hear about it?" Gaige wondered.  
"Ah sorry, my bad. Didn't know y'all wanted this to be a private talk n' stuff." "Scooter?! How the- Where are you?"  
"Well I'm definitely not in a big ass cave crawling with criminals and bandits trying to set up my new Catch-A-Ride auto shop and hiring one of said unknown mysterious past types as a mechanic who's not into all that boss-employee romance stuff cause she's got someone but I think it's an excuse and-"  
"Okay! I get it I get it." Gaige relented.  
"So Torgue," Axton continued on the conversation, "whaddya got?"  
"Ok. Get ready for the most badass name in all of turret history! You're faces will melt and angels will sing this name for centuries!" Tongue paused for dramatic effect. "ERICA!"  
"…. Yeah sorry, not feeling it."  
"REJECTION!" Tongue signed off.  
"Can I try?" Brick asked.  
"Go for it, brother." Mordecai responded.  
"Okay… I like Sheila."  
"Um." Axton bit his lip. "Kinda sounds like I'm Aussie or from Elpis." He shook his head. "Sorry, Brick." Brick laughed.  
"No worries, Slab!" And slapped him on the back, which to Axton felt like he got hit by Brick's sledgehammer.  
"How about-"  
"Minion!" Claptrap interrupted Gaige. He himself wheeled over to the bar.  
"I am not calling the missus 'Minion'." Axton grunted.  
"What?" Claptrap asked, confused. "I just wanted to borrow some money for a poker game, but if you were looking for a name for that sexy turret gun you're married to-"  
"Oh for the love of- GET LOST!" Axton shoved a wad of cash into Claptrap's arms and sent him away. Claptrap looked down at the money, shrugged, and ran off with glee. Axton turned his attention back to the others. "Any other ideas?" "Nikita?" "No."  
"Billie Jean?" "No."  
"Roseanne?" "No."  
"Monica?" "No."  
"Phoebe?" "No."  
"Rachel?" No."  
"Tabitha?" "Wha- NO!"  
"Jesse?"  
Axton groaned. "Any other ideas?" Everyone shrugged or went back into deep thought. "Great, maybe I should stick with Jennifer." That's when Maya noticed Krieg lumbering over.  
"You've been unusually quiet Krieg." She noted. "Something on your mind?" Krieg went directly up to Axton. He suddenly went to his knees and raised his arms into the air.  
"STELLA!" He cried. Everyone stared at him in silence.  
"That's… not bad." Axton began to smile. "I like that. Stella."  
"Really?" Gaige piped up. "I don't see how that's war inspiring."  
"Well, what were you going to suggest?" Maya asked her.  
"…Meagan."  
"Yeah, I'm sticking with Stella." Axton confirmed.


End file.
